


Problem People

by pt_tucker



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Gen, Humor, Public Relations, SOLDIERs Actually Working For Once, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-07
Updated: 2017-09-07
Packaged: 2018-12-25 03:48:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12027477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pt_tucker/pseuds/pt_tucker
Summary: Angeal's assigned to handling the public during an emergency. Oh joy.





	Problem People

**Author's Note:**

> Yet another silly fic that came about when I went looking through my old discord chats. Apparently at one point I had this idea, which I can only assume was brought about by talk of retail jobs or other public relations/customer service occupations.

“But my oven is on!”

“Yes, I understand that sir, but the sector is currently under attack by Bahamut.” And several other summons, if rumors were to be believed. “I can’t let you pass. It’s for your own safety.” Angeal gave the man a sympathetic smile that he hoped would convey that while he understood the plight of leaving one’s oven on during an evacuation, the reason for said evacuation was really the more important of the two concerns.

“BUT MY OVEN IS ON!”

Angeal resisted the urge to rub his temple. ‘Never show weakness in front of the enemy if you can help it.’ A motto that had managed to bluff him out of all manner of situations. 

Still, this was getting ridiculous.

“Yes, I understand that your oven is on, but-”

He held out his arms to catch the man as he fell forward.

“That’s one less civilian to worry about,” Genesis said, coming to stand beside him. A green materia glowed in his hand.

“Gen,” Angeal chided. 

“Oh, shush. A light sleep spell, nothing more. He’ll be up before you know it and bothering you all over again. Just stuff him behind one of the trash bins. He’ll be fine.”

Angeal did. Begrudgingly. Hopefully they were far enough from the disaster zone that he wouldn’t later end up having to grab him and run. 

“Coming?” Sephiroth said as he strode past, not even bothering to stop for a quick hello.

Genesis rolled his eyes. “Can’t have ShinRa’s beloved hero seen chit-chatting, can we?”

“Gen.”

Genesis huffed and followed, his long strides quickly catching him up to the other man. Angeal looked towards the swarm of people a few meters away, currently being held back by a line of tense troopers. Oh, how he wished he could have gone with them.

He walked the line of civilians, though not before pointing out the hidden man to a few troopers. Just in case an emergency pulled his attention elsewhere before he could get back to him. 

Nobody else had left their oven on, or at least nobody else was stupid enough to prioritize the potential of an oven fire over the reality of a giant beast raining car-sized balls of electricity down upon the city. There were however a few people who were apparently of the opinion that now was as good a time as any to try to impress a high-ranking SOLDIER, Angeal’s presence possibly doing more harm than good as three women half his size went charging in with swords held high. 

Angeal, carefully, detained them and confiscated their weapons, handing them off to a nearby SOLDIER Third with instructions to guide them home and only return them once they’d reached their own sector. But not before he lectured the women on the stupidity of running head-long into a summon battle when they’d barely started taking lessons on materia and hadn’t brought any sort of healing items with them. Hell, they weren’t even wearing _protective gear_. 

He did give them his card, though. They were actually fairly good with those swords.

Continuing down the line, Angeal caught sight of a familiar head of spikey black hair right at the very end. Said hair was about to be trampled if the group of five currently pushing against its owner succeeded in knocking him down. Angeal jogged over and shoved the biggest of the lot back.

“Give him some space.” 

The five of them bristled at the command, but stopped trying to run Zack over. For now. Zack gave him a grateful smile. 

“Now,” Angeal said, “What’s the problem here?”

“Man, we already explained to this guy.” The redhaired boy pointed towards Zack. “Now we gotta explain to you too?” He shook his head. “This is bullshit. Ask your friend to tell you.”

Angeal decided to humor him. The longer they were here, the longer they were far away from the screeching sounds of metal on armored skin and the sight of someone, probably Genesis, throwing fireballs into the sky. Turning to Zack, he crossed his arms and gave him a stern look. “What’s the problem here, SOLIDER?”

Zack stepped back, eyes wide at his sudden betrayal.

The girl with purple braids snorted. “What are you, his manager?” She had on a ChocoMart name tag, and she didn’t seem terribly happy about it either, judging by the way she threw ‘manager’ out like it was a curse. 

That could be useful.

Putting on his best ‘corporate face,’ Angeal turned directly towards her and answered, “In a manner of speaking. He hasn’t offended you, has he?”

Zack quickly shook his head back and forth while he frantically waved his hands in front of him, as if that would in any way stop Angeal’s impending attack. 

The girl glanced at him and then back at Angeal. “Nah.” 

She eyed the redhaired boy, catching his attention, before pointing her chin in Angeal’s general direction. 

“Like we were telling this guy, we have to get back home before our moms do,” redhead said.

The one that he’d shoved earlier jumped in. “Yeah man, if my mom sees that I went out without her permission, I’m a dead man. I’d rather risk getting eaten by a summon than have to deal with that.” 

“Summons don’t really-”

“Later.” Angeal shook his head, cutting Zack off. Now wasn’t really the time to get into the fact that the idea of summons eating people was nothing more than a long held myth. Turning back to the people - the teenagers - he tried to find the best way to explain that their mothers would be far happier if they lived to see the next day than to learn they’d obeyed their rules to the point of death. Hopefully. “I’m sure your mothers will be happy to know you’re sa-”

“No way, man! My mom’s crazy. She’ll beat my ass if I’m not back before that LOVELESS meeting of hers ends.” Redhead looked about ready to make a run for it. 

Angeal took a couple of steps to his right, and Zack his left, and together they subtly closed the gap between them. 

“We don’t even live in that sector. We’re just passing through,” another one said softly. She scuffed her shoe against the ground and pushed up her glasses as she avoided their gaze. 

The others nodded in agreement.

“Yeah man, just passing through! The summons won’t even see us!” 

The summons didn’t need to see them to drop a building on them. That was sort of the point of evacuating.

Angeal tapped his chin before digging into his pocket. “You said they’re in the LOVELESS meeting? All of them?”

“Yeah, they’re big fans of that Rhapsody guy.” Purple Pigtails rolled her eyes.

Angeal bit his lip and tried not to laugh. Oh, he was definitely bringing that up next time Gen got too full of himself. Pulling out his PHS, he flipped it open and scrolled to his photos.

“How would your moms like to have an exclusive photo of Commander Rhapsodos sleeping at home?” Technically it’d been Angeal’s home, but the details didn’t matter. “Do you think that might take some of the pressure off for sneaking out?”

The five of them looked at each other before grinning.

“Hell yeah. She’s crazy for that guy,” Redhead said.

Angeal silently begged Gen’s forgiveness as he got their numbers and sent them the photo he’d taken the other day: Genesis passed out in the chair, his legs dangling over the side and his head flung back in a manner that couldn’t have been comfortable but which had left him no worse for wear due to SOLDIER healing. Still completely dressed and cuddling LOVELESS, it’d been too adorable to resist snapping a quick pic.

“Yo, got any of Sephiroth?” the smallest one asked. So far she’d kept quiet, but was apparently not going to let an opportunity go to waste. Clearly the brains of the operation. 

He sighed, well aware that he was being taken advantage of, but if it got kids out of the line of fire…

(Literal fire. He could just barely make out Gen cackling in the distance if he strained his ears, though it required no straining at all to see the fifteen-meter-high wall of fiery death blaze a trail across the sector floor.)

He sighed again. 

“All right, that’s it,” he said after he sent them a picture of Sephiroth at the Chocobo Farm. Not as personal as the one of Genesis, just Seph standing near a chocobo with his hand on its head as it happily dug around in the sack of greens he’d presented it with, but good enough. Angeal pointedly flipped his PHS closed and put it back in his pocket. 

“Now off you go. If I see you again, I’ll have you detained.”

“Sure thing man.”

“You’re the best man.”

“Yeah, the best! Screw gettin’ in trouble, I’m gonna save these for when my birthday comes up next.”

“Oh, good idea, man!”

The shy girl nodded at him. “Thanks!”

Angeal just shook his head as they wandered off. 

Zack waved them goodbye and then slumped over the instant they were out of sight. “I thought I was going to have to fight them.”

“I can see the headlines now,” Angeal joked, “‘ShinRa SOLDIER Beats Up Children,’ more at eleven. I suppose it’s no worse than ‘ShinRa SOLDIER Gets Stuck in Pastry Shop.’”

Zack groaned. “Don’t remind me.”

Angeal ruffled his hair.

“Hey, wait a second!” Zack straightened back up and pointed a finger at him. “What was with you turning on me earlier?” 

“You’ll understand when you’re older.” After he’d had enough ‘civilian control’ assignments to realize that anything and everything was fair play when trying to get nosy busybodies and concerned oven-owners to go far, _far_ away.

“Huh?” Zack cocked his head to the side. 

They both tensed as an explosion rocked the world around them. They waited, eyes scanning both the crowd and the buildings, but luckily neither of them looked about to get in the way of the other. 

“Uh…that was probably just the Commander being over-enthusiastic, right?” Zack asked, his eyes drawn to the large cloud of fire rising up in the distance.

“…Unfortunately.” Angeal made a mental note to introduce Zack to Genesis later. If only so he’d stop calling him by his title and realize that Genesis was but a common man, albeit one with an uncommon desire to use as many materia as possible in any given situation, and the skills to put that desire into practice. Not in _any_ way a role model to be emulated. 

The buildings shook as Bahamut was brought down. Right on top of what looked to be a car dealership, Sephiroth riding on its back like some sort of vengeful god, Masamune plunged deep into its head. 

…Angeal would introduce Zack to Sephiroth too. Nothing disabused people of their blind hero worship faster than realizing that the beloved Silver General could barely hold a civil conversation without a sword between them. 

He covered Zack’s eyes when he leaned forward to watch Seph kick a car out of his way as he hopped off Bahamut and marched back towards what looked to be Odin. 

“Hey!”

“It’s for your own good.” And for the good of Lazard’s heart. He couldn’t handle three of them. The poor man was already yelling at them over SOLDIER’s property damage. Any more and he just might break down into angry sobs.

“But-”

“BUT MY OVEN IS ON!”

Zack frowned. “That’s not what I was gonna say.”

Angeal sighed.

===================================

“Well, what do you have to say for yourselves?” Lazard asked, tapping the newspaper. The words ‘ShinRa SOLDIERs Destroy Man’s Apartment, Car Dealership’ were headlined in bold across the front page.

“Genesis was the one with the fire materia,” Sephiroth said blandly, pointedly not mentioning his part in the damage caused to the car dealership.

“I wasn’t even fighting!” Zack protested before looking to Angeal for support.

Angeal crossed his arms and leaned back into his chair. “Same.”

As one they turned towards Genesis, who made a show of examining his jacket for any new rips or tears. “I don’t see what the fuss is all about. SOLDIER can hardly be to blame. It’s not our fault he left his oven on.”

“The oven was the only thing not on fire!”

**Author's Note:**

> LMK what you thought! Comments & kudos are love. <3


End file.
